As you probably know, I’m a relatively private person… well, for a blogger anyway. I love sharing my favorite products and hope you love reading about them. I’m a blogger because I have so many opinions on fashion and pop culture that I want to share, but when it comes to talking about my real life… I put the brakes on. I want to have a professional, inspiring website that reads more like a fashion magazine. I know it’s not what I have, but it is what I want. So, I’m shy about discussing personal specifics.
Why? Even IRL, with people I know and trust, I’m afraid of being judged harshly. I’m afraid of never being good enough. Intelligent enough, pretty enough, interesting enough. I don’t share much of myself because I find it hard to believe that anyone would be interested. I haven’t been blogging as much in the past few years because I’m just not as inspired anymore. I love the immediacy of social media but it also seems like anyone can come along these days, buy some followers and be the toast of the town without any real work. It frustrates me to no end AND it makes me even less motivated to share. I don’t want to be compared to these younger, thinner, richer girls so I just take myself out of the running. I do it with new friends, men and even with blogging. I get anxious and shut down. It’s something that I desperately want to change about myself.
I recently shared a bit of my frustration with a friend who graciously reminded me that since I started my blog in 2008 (has it really been that long?!), people have come back and supported me again and again. You’ve entered my contests, read my rants, and downloaded my pictures. You’ve followed me on to Twitter and Instagram. You’ve supported me by shopping my affiliate links (thank you) and you’ve had faith in me despite my lack of consistency. You guys trust my opinion and that means the world to me. The products I share are ones that I genuinely love, use, want and you know that! He thought that maybe I’d feel better about blogging if I put more of myself and personality back into my posts. “Do an outfit post every once in a while, but you built your blog around your writing and opinions for FOUR YEARS! Go back to that! Go back to when you didn’t know a thing about SEO and page views. Bring your personality back.” So, I’m taking his advice. I’m going to try to bring my real life back into my blog. I don’t know where it will lead me. Maybe I won’t feel less pressure or end up blogging more but I promise to be authentically myself going forward.
So in the spirit of sharing more….
What I’m Reading:
It took me longer than most novels but I finally finished Purity by Jonathan Franzen. It’s a modern, sweeping story about a girl called Pip (short for Purity) and how she came to be. It moves between present-day California to East Germany and the New York of the Nineties. There is a little bit of mystery and murder, some questionable morals and a missing nuclear weapon. I loved some parts of the book and begrudgingly read other chapters. A lot of the imagery and emotions of the story have really stayed with me. It’s not an easy book but if you’re willing to devote some time, it’s worth a read.
After Purity, I wanted something fun and entertaining. I flew through The Nest by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney. It’s a gossipy story about a family squabbling over their shared trust fund (or what’s left of it, anyway…) that is Amy Poehler approved! I fell in love with the entire, despicable family and rooted for each of them to have happy endings. Pack this book for the beach or enjoy in a bubble bath!
What I’m Watching:
A little HBO show called, The Night Of. We’re on episode 6 and I still can’t figure out if Naz is guilty (he can’t be….can he?) or just stupid. It’s an interesting look at our legal system and the biases we all hold. It’s also a good reminder (especially the first and sixth episodes) that our city lives are under near-constant surveillance even if we never notice it. I’m obsessed and think you will be too.
What I’m Listening To:
It’s Britney, bitch!